Bachelor Brad Second Chance ep 4: Fear Factor Dates

Randomly, Michelle woke up with a black eye, but unsurprisingly she wouldn’t shut up about it.  She declared, “it’s just something that would happen to me” and then blamed stress.  Beating yourself in your sleep is not a sign of low-level anxiety; it’s a banner for psychosis.

Even when Brad showed up to take Chantal on a date, Michelle immediately pointed out her discoloration.  (Later, she complained about Ashley H taking away from her “big day” but she had no trouble taking from Chantal).  Speaking of projecting her insecurities, Michelle cried about Chantal getting a one-on-one date and said she doesn’t want to be compared to Chantal.  I’m pretty sure that was the last thing Brad was doing on his date.  Meanwhile, Ashley S fronted like she was trying to calm Michelle down, but kept repeating, “it’s only going to get harder.”  Nice manipulation.

It always gets me when contestants are shocked to see a helicopter.  Have they ever seen 30 seconds of this show?  If it weren’t for all the roses and serenades, The Bachelor could easily be confused for something on the Military Channel. 

Anyway, Brad and Chantal shot over to Catalina so he could take her walking on the bottom of the ocean.  Nice move, producers, since she’s terrified of water.  Way to be a-holes.  They clearly read everyone’s Bachelor application and then pair dates with phobias (hello, Emily on a leer jet last week).  It’s like Fear Factor dating.

Chantal sucked it up and walked on the seafloor, which looked like something out of a 1970’s horror movie, with its murkiness and redwood-sized seaweed trees.  Does she have phytophobia too?  (Google it.)

Later, Chantal apologized for hitting Brad in the face on the first day.  That’s nice.  Now no one has to press charges.  Then they got stuck on Catalina because of some rain (which seemed to cause some continuity issues with the droplets on the couch), so they made out on an outdoor bed.  Solid first date.

Brad took a pack of 9 shrews to the radio show Love Line , to meet with the ever-delicious silver fox, Dr. Drew.  Brad wanted to create a “safe space” where they could all share their feelings, so naturally a radio broadcast was a reasonable choice.

Britt made an impression on Brad by admitting that feels like she has to prepare pageant-style answers for their alone time, since she doesn’t get more than 10 minutes with him every few days.  Good confession, as it led to some kissy face and ultimately the date rose.  I feel a one-on-one date coming. 

Their radio group therapy session made the afterparty a free-for-all of emotions.  All the women fought for 2 minutes of his time, but each got about 2 seconds.  Everyone just had so many feelings they wanted to unload.  Poor Brad.

In spite of the time shortage, all was going well until Ashley H had some kind of mental breakdown.   She pondered aloud, “Why is this tough for me and not everyone else?”—maybe because everyone else is maintaining the little sanity they arrived with?

Ashley H turned a little stalker-ish by creeping up on Britt and Brad during their makeout session.   When she got alone time, she proceeded to attack him.  She was incoherently babbling about it being easier for him than the ladies, blah blah blah, red wine, red wine, red wine. 

When it was time to give out the date rose, Ashley H continued her little episode by blurting out “awkward” right as Brad was going to start his speech.  Some speculate she was on the verge of getting the rose, but I don’t fall for such editing tricks.  I think he pulled Britt out of the hot tub so Ashley H wouldn’t throw a hair dryer in and eliminate her competition.

Chantal put a mental spell on Michelle by mentioning that her date card didn’t have the word “love” in it, thrusting Michelle into an insecurity tornado.  Sinister, but I like it.

Ashley H woke up the next day and was still freaking out about the previous night, so Brad took her outside to discuss everything.  Of course, Michelle went off her hinges because it was her “BIG DAY”—I didn’t realize it was her wedding, did you?

Chantal defended Ashley H for taking 30 minutes from Michelle’s date (which was probably going to be 14 hours long anyway), and called Michelle out for doing the same thing on the first group date.  Michelle defended herself by calling it a “moral issue” because she didn’t want to take part in a PSA—she does realize those are positive messages to the public, right?

Michelle said if she didn’t get a rose because of Ashley, she’d elbow her in the face.  Puh-lease.    

For the rest of the date, they repelled down the side of a building in downtown LA.  Nothing says romance like plummeting to your death on national TV!   Of course Michelle is deathly afraid of heights because the producers are the devil. 

I will say Michelle is right, she’s nothing like Chantal.  Chanty grabbed her fear by the gonads and submerged herself in water in 1/100^th of the time that it took Michelle to step off the roof.  In the end, Brad gave her a rose because he’s a sucker for needy whiners.

How much are they paying Jamie-the-therapist to fly from Texas every few days?  I guess Dr. Drew’s session wasn’t enough therapy for the week.  The big topic of discussion was Brad’s mouth-whoring with all the ladiez, which Jamie encouraged.  As long as the girl says yes, slurp away!

The most interesting part of the cocktail party was Brad taking Emily outside with a basket of pillows and blankets.  He believes (as does most of America at this point) that she deserves the extra effort.  He’s actually courting her instead of just dating her.  Awww. 

Unfortunately, not everybody was into Emily’s special treatment.  Chantal lost her shit, but when she confronted Brad, she talked about his attraction to Michelle instead.   She warned him that he is falling for emotionally unstable women, and she’s concerned she isn’t weak enough for him.  Brad said he likes her because she’s the opposite of the kind of girls he usually likes, ya know, a needy, crying mess of a human being.

Interestingly, Meghan got sent home the week she finally felt confident at the Rose Ceremony.  She ran out of there like an axe-murderer was chasing her.  During her exit interview, Lindsay said her dad would be proud of her for conducting herself so well.  I’m sure he would have been, but then she turned into a sobbing, blubbering freak.

Emily

Ashley S

Chantal

“I wish I was the one who gave Michelle her black eye.  I want to rip her head off.”-Ashley S

“There’s a very good chance that if I don’t get my one-on-one date this week, Brad is going to get his own black eye.”-Michelle

“I missed you badly.” –Brad to Emily

Chantal

Britt

Michelle

Ashley S

Alli

Emily

Shawntel

Lisa

Jackie

Marissa

Ashley H